


The 5+ Coming Outs of Nathan Wuornos

by Nocticola



Series: Demisexual Nathan [6]
Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Demisexuality, Episode: s01e11 The Trial of Audrey Parker, Episode: s04e07 Lay Me Down, Episode: s05e02 Speak No Evil, F/M, Fandomacefest2018, Gen, Internalized Acephobia, Internalized Arophobia, Jughead mentioned -an ace identifying with an ace, M/M, Nebularomantic, Panromantic, Post-4x5 The New Girl, Post-4x9 William, Post-Coital, Post-Coital Cuddling, Pre-Canon, fandom aspec challenge, internalized ableism, post episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-05-16 06:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14805885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Coming out is always a never-ending process. It's even more complicated though when you don't really know your options.Fandom Aspec Challenge 2018: Prompt One Coming Out





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read my stuff before, you know I have a ridiculously long fic going on about demi Nathan Wuornos. In that one, I have Nathan being quite unsure about any labels he might use, so he's basically questioning and labelless for a really long time. That one will eventually also have coming out chapters but those will be after he has really figured everything out. I thought I'd take a different approach for this fic, with Nathan being more willing to adopt and talk about labels and how he identifies.
> 
> For the record, Nathan is demisexual, nebularomantic (because autistic) and panromantic when I write him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic Art: https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/post/174545068428/the-5-coming-outs-of-nathan-wuornos-pre-haven

1) 10 years old (1986 to mother Elizabeth, aspec-ish) 

For a few weeks, it seems to Elizabeth that Nathan has become obsessed with romance. He looks through her bodice ripper novels, rents romantic comedies from Blockbuster and buys all the Archie comics he comes across. Elizabeth is not quite sure what to make of it. She hopes that eventually Nathan will feel comfortable enough to talk to her if he has any questions. 

One Sunday night, as Elizabeth is knitting in the living room, Nathan sits next to her and leans on her shoulder, watching the needles and thread move and become new shapes. Elizabeth lets him be, she knows he'll talk when he feels like it. 

One of Elizabeth's romance books with Fabio on the cover is on the coffee table and Nathan leans over to look at it, skim its pages, finding a page and reading it with a look of painful confusion. 

“I don't get it, “ he says, still staring at the book. 

“Get what, honey?” Elizabeth puts down her knitting and looks at Nathan. 

For a moment Nathan seems to struggle with his words, thumping through the pages of the book. 

“Any of this. I don't think I work like this,” he whispers with tears in his eyes. He switches Fabio for one Archie comic from his backpocket, flips through the pages of everyone obsessing over who they should be with. The only character Nathan understands in the comic is Jughead, who likes burgers the way he likes pancakes, but even that doesn't seem quite right. 

Elizabeth is quiet. Nathan is only 10 years old, but that doesn't mean kids his age aren't already talking about this stuff. Especially since even if his classmates aren't, society is. 

“It's OK if you're different, Nathan. It's OK if you feel different now but understand as you get older. It's also OK if you never do. Being different isn't a bad thing. OK? There's nothing wrong with you.” She leans over to give Nathan's temple a kiss. 

Nathan looks slightly better now, not as distraught. Elizabeth decides that even though tomorrow is a school day, they can watch a movie right now. Something with little to no romance. They settle on ET. It makes Nathan happy, although he falls asleep half way through. 

When Garland comes home, he helps carry Nathan to bed. She decides to not mention anything about what they talked about to him. She doubts Garland would understand. 

2)Bi to his father Garland (college c. 1994) 

Things do change for him, somewhat, eventually. At the end of high school he gets a girlfriend, Hannah, who he really cared for, although that didn't work out. With her, he felt a little bit more normal. 

And in college he kisses a boy, and it doesn't feel wrong. He starts dating Marcus during his first year, and although it's not without its issues, he feels comfortable enough to try to figure out a label. 'Bi' seems to fit enough, although not quite. 

During the holidays, he goes back home to Haven. It's awkward, and he doesn't plan on telling his father until it becomes a not quite unexpected topic of conversation at dinner. 

"How are you doing at college? You got someone?" 

Nathan isn't used to talking about this stuff with his father. He's not used to really talking with him in general. He just shrugs, and says,  
"I have someone." He hopes that is the end of the questioning, but of course it isn't. 

"Oh, yeah? Who is she? Tell me about her, I like to know about your life." 

Nathan wonders if he should lie. He's not sure if he'll ever bring Marcus to Haven, he's not sure the relationship will last. He wants it to, of course, but he doesn't have a good track record. But that doesn't really matter. His father is actually showing interest in his life, so he should be honest. 

"He's nice. Pre-med, from California." Nathan concentrates on his food, he's not sure he wants to see his father's reaction to his significant other's pronoun. 

"He?" 

Nathan can't read his father's tone. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound. He looks at his father, 

"Yeah, he. I have a boyfriend." 

"Is it some experiment?" 

"No. I'm dating someone, who is a guy. His name is Marcus." 

"So you're queer now or something?" 

The way Garland asks him that, it sounds dirty, wrong. It doesn't help with Nathan's slight uncomfortableness with his chosen label. Hannah made sense. Marcus makes sense. He's not sure 'bi' fits, exactly, but it's something. 

"It's called being 'bi', Dad," he tells him forcefully. Nathan can't reads his father's reaction. Garland just makes a gruffy sound and they both concentrate on the food again. The topic is dropped. 

When his relationship with Marcus ends, Nathan doesn't tell Garland. He definitely doesn't mention it when his next significant other is agender. 

Garland never asks him about dating again until after he's dead and tells him to not date Audrey. 

3) Audrey Parker 2010(she's bi, +pan post-1x11)  
[direct continuation of Bi Audrey chapter of Life and Times fic) https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154636/chapters/25330911 

\---

"I'm glad you know that you're bi," Nathan tells Audrey, but he turns away and his voice turns into a whisper, "I don't know what I am."

Audrey whispers back, "That's OK, too." 

For a moment both of them are silent, concentrating on their own thoughts. Usually Audrey would let something like this go, but maybe it's the alcohol and bonding they've been doing that makes her ask, "Have you looked at any other labels, though? " 

Nathan turns to look at her, "What you mean?" 

"Nathan, you went to college over a decade ago. There are more labels that straight, gay/lesbian and bi. Things have changed in the queer community." 

Nathan doesn't mean to but he slightly flinches at the word. "I'm not totally comfortable with that term." 

"Oh. Sorry. But what I mean, you don't have to use 'bi' if that doesn't fit. I like it for myself but there are other terms." 

Nathan raises an eyebrow and gives her a questioning look, "What makes you think I need a label that's 'bi' but not?" 

"Well, straight people rarely struggle with figuring out they're straight. So, I'm assuming something like that is going on here." 

Nathan feels very uncomfortable with the topic. He concentrates on his beer, and to Audrey's credit, she lets the silence linger. He shrugs, "I had a boyfriend in college. And someone who wasn't either." 

"Is that when the Chief used the q-word on you?" 

Nathan looks upset at Audrey figuring that out. "That wasn't the first time I got called that, but yeah, I told him and that was the last time he asked about my love life." Until yesterday. The Chief called Audrey his girlfriend. Well, kinda. He tries to ignore all the implications of that. 

"So... what else is there?" Maybe figuring this out would be good for him. It doesn't hurt to think about. It lets him ignore his other struggles, for now. 

"Well, there are different nuances to all these, so you might want to dig a little deeper on your own, but there's poly-, omni-, pan-," 

"Wait, pansexual?" Nathan feels surpringly excited about that. 

"Yeah, it means you're attracted to all genders. Or regardless of gender. Basically." 

Nathan can't help his smile. It's not just that the definition sounds kinda right, but pan! 

"C'mon, Parker. Pan-cakes!" 

Audrey groans at Nathan, but he doesn't mind that. He might feel different sober, but he thinks it makes sense. 

"I like it," he says quietly. 

Audrey is smiling at him. Nathan is emboldened by this realization about himself and the alcohol in him also helps him make his next move. 

He leans against Audrey and quickly kisses her on the cheek. It lasts only a few seconds, but those are seconds during which his lips can feel the soft skin of her face and he wants more. Of her. But he quickly pulls back. Audrey's smile has changed when he looks at her again. 

"Thank you, for being a friend." 

"Sure thing, Nathan. You should probably get going now. Apparently you are an affectionate drunk, and we don't want to give the rumor mill too many new ideas." 

Nathan laughs, "You're right, I should. This was fun, Parker." 

"It was." 

Nathan leaves Audrey's hotel room and calls the cab. He's way too drunk to consider driving home himself, so rumors are going to fly about this. Part of Nathan doesn't mind. 

4)Duke Crocker 2011 (post-4x5, pan and ?)  


"This is a really terrible plan," Nathan says as he keeps staring at Lexie showing off her bartending skills, with tight clothes and a flirty smile, she's making a lot of money on tips. 

Duke takes a sip of his beer, trying to figure out how to deal with all this. 'Lexie' isn't really Lexie but Audrey, the woman Nathan is in love with, yet now Nathan is supposed to get Lexie to fall for him so she can kill him and end the Troubles. 

Nathan is right, it is a terrible plan. Not just because Duke doesn't want Nathan to die, certainly he doesn't want any form of Audrey to have to do it but also because Nathan cannot flirt. At all. As interesting as Lexie is, she is pretty much the epitome of the type of girl who'd reject Nathan once he opened his mouth and his awkwardness became apparent. 

"It's not that bad," Duke says, "it's not like you haven't managed to be in relationships before. Audrey fell for you." 

"That was... that was months of friendship. Actual friendship, and I'm not even sure when it changed. Or why or how. For her, for me. And Lexie's not like Audrey." 

"You got Sarah to fall for you in hours," Duke counters, his mixed feelings fully evident in his voice. 

They haven't talked about this before. Duke knew Nathan got close to Sarah, that was evident in their interactions. But hearing Audrey tell Nathan she'd be in the Barn with James, their son, it threw him. Largely because Nathan didn't seem like that type of guy. 

Nathan is blushing and concentrating on his beer. 

"It was mostly her," he says as quietly as one can while still being heard in a bar. 

"Huh. It always seems to be, with you," Duke doesn't say it to be mean, it's just an observation, like Duke finally figured something out. For once, Nathan takes it as an observation and not an insult. Maybe they've finally learned how to read each other. 

"What do you mean?" Nathan asks, sounding apprehensive, not about Duke's intentions but what it might mean about himself.

"Hannah, Jess, they pursued you. You wonder why someone might hook up with someone they just met. It took you and Audrey ages to get anywhere. Just wondering if it means something." Duke shrugs as he makes his final point. 

"Just because I'm pan, doesn't mean I like to be with just anyone," Nathan says defensively. 

"You're pan?" Duke asks. Like, he always suspected Nathan wasn't straight but he wasn't sure *Nathan* knew it, let alone labelled it. 

"Yeah. I talked about labels with Audrey once." 

"Cool. I'm bi. So, is pan all you are?" 

Now Nathan seems distressed for a whole other reason than the one that started this conversation.

"Why would I be something else? What else is there?" 

"A lot," but before Duke can continue, Nathan bangs his head against the table in frustration. Duke gets up from his chair to get to Nathan's side, and he happens to look up to see Audrey, looking worriedly at Nathan. He gives her a quick thumps up to tell her not to worry, just in time for Nathan to look up at him dejectively. 

"I thought I was done. I like pan, it seems like it fits but what, you think I don't do that right either? I can't even be queer correctly?" 

"That's not what I meant, Nathan. I don't know, it's your label but you... you give a different kind of vibe too."

"That's it? My vibe is wrong?"

"I'm not trying to upset you, Nathan." 

Nathan rubs at his eyes for a moment, calming himself down. "I know. I-I get it. It's just confusing." 

Nathan looks at Lexie again (Audrey is back to being perfectly in character) and gets up from the table. "I need to go home. See you in the morning." 

4b) Himself

When Nathan gets home, he can't get Duke's words about his 'vibe' out of his head. He drinks another beer and really thinks about his dating history. He remembers how off he felt as a kid, when everyone started obessing with 'going steady' and kissing. How a part of him is still like that. How wanting to be with Audrey makes sense because she's *Audrey*, and how being with Jess and Jordan was weird and difficult in different ways. 

He decides to do something he hasn't done by himself before and starts looking for more labels. When he first sees 'asexual' part of him recoils. He doesn't want to be lacking something. But the word won't leave his head, and when he clicks and sees that it's a spectrum, part of him feels... something. 

And then _Demisexuality_ reads in big, inviting letters on his computer screen and he rolls down for a definition. 

"No attraction until an emotional bond has been formed with a person."

"That's me," Nathan says out loud to no one. He can tell by the way his breathing sounds that he's crying and his hand coming back wet confirms it. He's never cried happy tears before. 

5)demi, pan to Audrey 2011 (post-4x7, not yet aro-spec)

Over the next days, Nathan doesn't really have time to share his realization with anyone. But he has had time to do some more research and was happy to find that pan can also be a romantic orientation. So, for now he identifies as panromantic demisexual. Demi-Pan. A pandemic. A pancake. It's a bit more complicated but he likes it.  
(Although he does still wonder whether his experiences with romantic attraction are really any simpler than with sexual attraction, but he prefers to let that issue be, for now)

When he finally manages to tell Audrey that he is in love with her and they make love for the first time, he wonders if he should've told her sooner, before. Maybe she won't want him after all once he tells her.

These are his thoughts as he looks at Audrey sleeping deeply after their first time together. Nathan woke up when Audrey moved against him, he still isn't used to all this skin on skin contact, feeling it. It's fine, though. He likes seeing her like this.

Audrey crinkles her nose as she wakes up to his staring. She looks so cute Nathan can't help himself and kisses her nose. Audrey giggles, before she pulls his head down to properly kiss her.

"Did I wake you up?" Audrey mumbles sleepily.

"Kinda. Feeling your skin takes some getting used to." 

Audrey smirks, "That will be fun."

Nathan smiles back at her. "It will be."

But Audrey can tell that something is bothering Nathan. "What is it?" 

Nathan likes how well she knows him. "Remember when you quit the FBI and we got drunk and you told me that you're bi and then helped me figure out I'm pan?"

Audrey smiles with curiousity in her eyes, "Yeah. It was one of my better coming outs. And you were really cute about being pan."

"Well, Duke mentioned some stuff the other night. When you were still pretending to be Lexie and tending bar. It got me thinking. And then I did some more research and..." it's the moment of truth, he should just tell her. He sighs and looks Audrey in the eye. 

"I'm kinda... ace. Asexual. Specifically demisexual."

Audrey is silent for a moment. Nathan understands that she might need to process this for a bit. But a part of him can't help but panic. What if she--

Audrey touches his cheek, strokes it, calming him down. "Explain it to me." 

So he does. It's not very conscise but he tries to explain what it means and how it fits him. Audrey listens patiently. 

"How are you about sex?" is the only thing she asks as Nathan falls silent. 

"With you? Ecstatic. Otherwise? Kinda... whatever. I guess." 

"So, we didn't just have sex because you think you're supposed to?" 

"No! See, that's the thing. All of this really only makes sense to me with you. I still think I'm pan romantically but I'm not quite sure that matters. All that matters is that..." Nathan smiles with relief, "I think I finally make sense to myself. And a lot of that is because _we_ make sense."

Audrey smiles at him, "I'm happy for you. I love you."

"I love you, too. Still wanna make me less sensitive?" 

"You bet." 

Audrey leans over to kiss him before cuddling him, laying on his chest. Nathan kisses the top of her head and holds onto to her tightly. They fall asleep in each other's arms, secure in their identities old and new, and in their love. 


	2. To Duke and Jennifer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-4x9/pre-4x10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Demisexual Pride Day! (8.6.2018)  
> I like writing this more streamlined version of Nathan's deminess, so have some more!
> 
> Fic Art: https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/post/174701752638/the-5-coming-outs-of-nathan-wuornos-chapter-2-to

After everything with William is over with and Nathan is bringing Audrey back to the Gull after their trip, Nathan goes to meet Duke at the bar. Jennifer is also there, and she and Duke are talking, holding hands. Nathan's glad Duke has found somebody like Jennifer.

"Hey!" Nathan says before he sits down by the bar. 

"I didn't know you two are back already," Duke says as he slaps Nathan's shoulder playfully. Nathan finds it slightly off-putting, but he is trying to be better about it.

"Yeah, can't be away for too long. Audrey wanted to depack already but she's going to join us soon."

"But you had fun, right?" Duke smirks suggestively and Nathan blushes and shrugs.

"You know, I wanna talk to you about something. It's about something we talked about recently."

"O-K," Duke says and Jennifer intercepts, "Do you want me to leave?"

Nathan thinks about it a moment. Now that he knows he's demi, he wants to embrace that. He doesn't mind Jennifer knowing, he likes her. 

"No, Jennifer, you can stay if you want." 

"Thanks!" there is a slight hesitance in her voice. They haven't had time to talk about that whole hallucination thing.

"You wanna wait for Audrey?" Duke asks.

Yes. Yes, he does. He wants her here, holding his hand, supporting him like she has since he told her. It shouldn't actually be so bad, saying it again. Even though he didn't think he ever would, he trusts Duke now. Duke's comments about his 'vibe' is what got him to look into this in the first place. But he still worries. But he also should be able to say this on his own.

"It's fine."

"So, what do you wanna talk about?" Duke asks. 

The Gull is luckily quite empty, with no customers really close enough to hear them. 

"Give me a beer, first." Duke and Jennifer both give him a questioning look. Why is he making this out to be so difficult? It's a short sentence (although it will probably require explanations). Duke gives him his beer, Nathan takes a decent gulp of it without looking at them before he blurts out, 

"I'm demisexual," while looking at the back wall of the bar, ignoring their reactions. 

For a moment everything is quiet and now that it's out there (he said it!), he looks at Duke again and explains,  
"You were talking about my vibe. I looked in to it, and I'm kinda asexual. Demisexual is when you need a prior emotional connection to develop attraction. That's me. I'm also pan but romantically."

Duke looks at Nathan thoughtfully for a moment, "That makes sense. It fits you."

Nathan lets out a relieved sigh and smiles. 

"Can I hug you?" Jennifer asks and before Nathan is done nodding at her, she is hugging him and saying, "Yay self-discovery!" 

Nathan's smile widens and that is when Audrey comes down to The Gull. 

"Hey, Audrey. I hear your boyfriend is ace!" Duke says, and while his tone is teasing Nathan takes it in good fun. 

"He really is," Audrey says as she joins them. Jennifer has released Nathan already and Audrey comes sit next to him and squeezes his hand. 

Rest of the evening consists of drinking and talking amongst the four of them and Nathan feels more calm than he has in years.


	3. Laverne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AUish. Let's say William went away for a while, so Haven is mostly calm for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic Art: https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/post/175682974768/the-5-coming-outs-of-nathan-wuornos-chapter-3

"Whatchu thinking?"Audrey asks Nathan.  
She is leaning back to the sink in her kitchen, drinking her morning coffee, wearing only a long t-shirt while Nathan is almost dressed and staring at his cereal. Things have been calming down in Haven, for once, these new and more potent Troubles from William are apparently taking a break so Audrey and Nathan can finally have some normal couple time. Hence a lazy breakfast.

"Hm?" Nathan replied, obviously lost in his thoughts. 

"What's on your mind? You look like you want to interrogate your breakfast food." 

"Oh," Nathan blushes and pushes his bowl further on the table. He puts his crossed arms on the table and Audrey can't help but appreciate the sight, licking her spoon intently. 

"Just thinking about the whole 'coming out' thing. How many times have you done it?"

"Oh. Well, considering we're talking about *me*, that's bit complicated, but not that many times. You, Julia, Audrey, Claire, Duke, I guess Jennifer might know. You should only come out to people you want to and when you feel like you're ready."

Nathan looks thoughtful, "You didn't tell Chris?" 

Audrey laughs a bit, "No. I thought about it, but I wasn't sure what he'd say, so I didn't. Not everyone is as 'ace' as you about coming out," Audrey says the pun with a smile and it brings a smile to Nathan's face too.

"So, did you think I might be... I don't know--" Nathan seems to lose the words, and Audrey isn't really sure she would want to hear them anyway. She is surprised how well Nathan has taken this, that he doesn't see himself as lesser, broken because of his demi-ness. Or at least that's what he shows her.

"I did think there were bits of you that make a lot more sense now. You didn't realize when people flirted with you, me included." 

"You flirted with me? When?" Nathan looks so genuinely delighted yet confused that Audrey can't help herself and puts down her mug and makes her way to Nathan. He pulls his chair back so that she can sit in his lap. 

"Like, when I told you that you should smile when making jokes. You know, I'm not really good at flirting either. That's one of the reasons we work so well together." 

Nathan's smile is happy and carefree and she hasn't seen that in a while. She leans down to kiss him, just because she can. When they pull back, Audrey looks him deep in the eyes and says, "You being ace is not a bad thing. OK?" 

Nathan's smile wavers a bit but he nods.

And again, just because she can, Audrey kisses his forehead before she gets up from his lap to get herself a Rosemary's cupcake. "So, who do you wanna tell?"

Nathan pulls his cereal bowl back and starts eating again, "I don't know. Are there people I'm I supposed to tell?"

"You only have to tell those you want to. There's no one you are 'supposed' to tell. Like, OK, telling me made sense, in case it affects our relationships, which it might not, but you didn't have to tell me. It only matters who you want to tell." 

"Since I figured it out before we got together, I was kinda worried I waited too long," Nathan says quietly. 

"Not at all," Audrey walks back to Nathan and holds his head gently between her hands, "I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me. You can always talk to me in case your feelings change or whatever."

"I will." Nathan seems to fall back into his thoughts and Audrey goes looking for her clothes of the day when Nathan speaks again, "I was kinda thinking of telling Laverne."

"Laverne, huh?" she comments, trying to sound non-committal. 

Finally Nathan gets up from the table and puts his empty bowl in the sink. He finishes getting dressed and waits for Audrey on the couch. 

"Yeah. She's the closest thing I have to a parental figure now. She's known me my whole life." He shrugs before continuing, "I think I thought something was up with me as a kid and I told my Mom. And then I mistakenly came out to Dad as bi, and that went so badly he didn't ask me about dating until he told me not to date you." 

Audrey is dressed now and comes to sit by Nathan on the couch, her hand going over his heart, where just a few days ago she was aiming a gun barrel, "Maybe he had his reasons." 

Nathan puts his own hand on top of hers, "Maybe. But I kinda wanna tell her... I don't know, I just do." 

Audrey kisses Nathan's cheek, "Then you should. I told you, you tell who you want to tell. But now, we should go to work. The Troubles might be semi-calm now, but we still have to deal with them."

\---

So, at the end of a long work day of dealing with the Troubles, Nathan says goodbye to Audrey early and makes his way to the dispatch room.

"Hi, Laverne."

"Oh, Nathan, hon. What brings you to me?" 

Nathan shrugs, "Just wanted to talk to you about something. Personal." 

"Is it about you and Audrey? Trust me, everyone knows. I actually managed to make a rather tidy sum on the station's betting pool, so I am a happy woman for multitude of reasons." 

Nathan blushes and looks down at his hands, rolling his thumps "It is and it isn't."

"Whatever you want to tell me, Nathan, it's fine."

"I know. It's why I'm doing this. I don't know if Mom or Dad ever talked to you about... Did they ever worry about... I'm not really sure how to say this so I'm just going to say this."

Nathan sighs, but finds he's not quite ready for bluntness, "I guess I should start with that even though I'm with Audrey, I'm not straight. But I'm not bisexual, either, if you know it." 

Laverne gives him a good-natured chastising look, and Nathan smiles awkwardly, "I'm actually..."

"Nathan, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I do! I do, it's just, it's complicated." 

"Take your time then." 

"I'm a panromantic demisexual. I know that sounds kinda complicated, and it is but I wanted to tell you, because you're like a Mom to me. And I wanted you to know."

"Alright. Thank you for telling. Do you want to explain it to me?"

Nathan thinks for a moment. He did already start. "I kinda do." 

"Then I'm all ears," Laverne smiles and Nathan feels a lot better. 

So, he explains it all to Laverne as best he can with as little emberrassment as he can. Laverne listens and hugs him when he's done.

"I'm proud of you and your parents would be too."

"Thank you." 

\--- 

Nathan feels like another load has been lifted as he makes his way home to Audrey's again.


	4. Nebularomantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan realizes he's autistic and possibly aro (nebularomantic)
> 
> (AU timeline where William is still off somewhere else not bothering people)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized ableism and aphobia/amisia .  
> Alcohol cw  
> Implied reference to child abuse
> 
> Fic Art: https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/post/176887992203/the-5-coming-outs-of-nathan-wuornos-chapter-4

Nathan got a curious stack of papers at work today. He'snot sure where they came from, but they have his name on them. Well, his *previous * name on them. It's the medical records of 'Nathan Hansen'. The only one they could have come from is Laverne, but she refuses to admit to it. Nathan's not quite sure what to do with them, so he just hides them until he can get home.

When he suggests to Audrey that they spend the evening apart, she is taken aback and clearly curious (they haven't really spent time apart since they got together, and Nathan is surprised just how much he likes that) but even though she sounds disappointed, she accepts it.

"I think I just need a few hours to myself. I could come by later." 

"Yeah, sure. We don't have to spend every moment together. Come by when you're done." 

So, Nathan drops Audrey off at the Gull and drives to his place. 

Maybe he should get a few things together, an over night back or something. It would make things easier now that he spends most nights at Audrey's. He knows he's mostly procrastinating but it is something he really should do, so he let's himself off the hook.

Finally, he has nothing else to do (and he really misses Audrey already), so he finally takes out the medical files.

'Nathan Hansen'. He feels no connection to that name. Only a slight feeling of dread. Maybe he should have Audrey here. But he also feels the need to go through it alone first. To know what's there before he talks about it or shows it to anyone.

He takes a deep breath and just as he's about to open the file, he hesitates. This feels like something one should do while drinking. He goes to find his scotch glass and his Jack Daniels, pours some in the class and straight up to his mouth. This does mean he maybe shouldn't drive to Audrey's, but that's an issue for later Nathan.

Just in case, he texts Audrey 'Something came up. Might not make it tonight. Don't wait up.'

Maybe it's best he deals with this on his own first. But enough procrastination. Nathan has a past to deal with.

He starts slowly looking through the papers. It's a collection of official information and handwritten notes, probably from the Carr visits. He doesn't read any of the writing yet, and tries to ignore the few pictures there are, the xrays and MRIs. It all feels a bit overwhelming and he doesn't really know where to start. He starts over, paying a little more attention to what's actually there. This time a piece of paper talking about a suggestion for neuropsychological testing catches his eye. Nathan tops of his drink and takes a closer look of the document.

'Given Nathan's issues with neurological development and his socialization issues, it is suggested he be further tested for conditions such as autism.' 

Nathan finishes his glass before continuing to read, 'However, Nathan's mother has declined the need for a neuropsychological assessment, so I am unable to make an official diagnosis, although I strongly suspect this is the case.' 

Nathan reads those words again and again.

Autistic? His childhood doctor thought he was autistic? Yet his mother didn't want to pursue that testing. Why? He looks closer to the date. 1979. He was probably three years old. Still a Hansen. Still Max's son. It was one thing to have your child share your Trouble, and another thing being... being different like that might have been dangerous.

Nathan hasn't ever thought much about that possibility. Sure, he's always seemed to be somewhat off, but there are a lot of possible causes for that. Maybe he should look into autism symptoms more, see if it all feels familiar. But a part of him is hesitant.

He's always been singled out, because he's Troubled, because his Mom is dead, because of his fathers and their roles. Now he's realizing such how queer he really is. All of these things and more have left him isolated, made him different. Maybe this autism has also affected it, but he's not sure he wants that clarification. He's not sure he wants to be so defective. Fundamentally off, not just because of his body but also because of his mind. He's hoped for some normalcy for so long but he just seems to be more and more abnormal day by day.

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. He gets up from the couch to answer it, only briefly wondering who it could be. Not that there are many possibilities.

"Audrey," Nathan smiles widely when he sees her. God, it's only been a couple of hours and he missed her. She's also holding takeout shrimp from The Gull, which is good because he didn't realize he's hungry. 

Audrey's smile, however, disappears when she sees him. 

"You've been crying!" she exclaims.

Nathan touches his cheek and she's right, his palm comes back wet. Audrey quickly walks past him to put the takeout to the kitchen before she comes back to help him dry his face. Audrey looks like she needs to explain why she's here, intruding on him, yet clearly glad she's here.

"I know you said something came up but I missed you. What's wrong, what happened?" 

Being this close she can smell the alcohol on his breath and she turns out from him to look his coffee table where she first notices the Jack. Nathan just pulls back from her, gathers the papers back into a file and shows it to Audrey. 

She looks at him with a worried face before she looks down at the file. 'Nathan Hansen' leaps out at her. 

"Your childhood medical file?" 

Nathan has picked up the bottle of Jack again and poured himself another glass. He downs it after just saying "Yeah," to Audrey. 

"When and where did this come from?" Audrey asks and Nathan is happy she doesn't asks why he didn't tell her about it. He's allowed to do things at his own pace. 

"Someone put it on my desk today. I wanted to get a feel for what's in there before I showed you." 

"Do you have a feel for it now?" 

Nathan shrugs, "I've looked through it, but that's about it. I did just see something I'm not sure how to deal with." 

Audrey puts the file back down on the coffee table and sits next to Nathan, taking a hold of his hand. "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready."

The touch of her hand helps, although it is also an exclamation point to his freakness.

"A doctor wanted to diagnose me as autistic when I was three. But my Mom didn't give permission to further testing, probably to protect me from Max. I haven't looked further to see if there were any later developments. I was dealing with that when you came. " 

"So you think you might be autistic? How do you feel about that?" 

"It's possible. But I... I'm not sure I wanna know." 

"Why?" Audrey's question is sympathetic and curious but something sets him off about it anyway. 

"Because I don't wanna be any more of a freak than I already am," Nathan says loudly, clearly upset.

Before Audrey can start comforting him or whatever she is thinking, Nathan gets up from the couch and starts pacing.

"My Trouble always made me stand out, whether it was active or not. It was always a part of me. And I've always felt odd and different, with relationships and sex and maybe this is part of why, but I'm not sure I want to know. I mean, I might be somewhat aromantic, too. I haven't really looked into it because... I don't wanna know how many things are wrong with me."

After the words leave his mouth, he feels deflated. He strokes his hand through his hair. He does down at his feet, not wanting to look at Audrey. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe having to think about his past, all of his recent realizations and eveything that's been going on lately but eveything just coalesced into this rant. 

Silence falls in his house and Nathan feels like he's just waiting for something. Audrey stands up and takes a hold of his hand. Nathan looks up at her and Audrey strokes his cheek. 

"There's nothing wrong with you. Yeah, you're different, in quite many ways, but that's not a bad thing. I thought you liked figuring out more about yourself." 

"I did. I do, but a part of me just feels... I wish I was simpler."

"Well, I love you just the way you are. And you don't need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can look into aromanticism, or just be demi and pan, you can look into self identification or diagnosis, but you also don't need to do that. You don't need to have everything figured out inmediately. No matter what you do, I'm here for you." 

Nathan feels like his emotions are overwhelming. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down and smells the shrimp. He almost forgot about it. 

"We should probably eat." 

"You're not getting an argument from me."

They go to the kitchen and Nathan gets the plates and glasses while Audrey gets out the food. They start eating in silence until Nathan starts talking again.

"Sorry I messed up the evening." 

"Well, I did invite myself. And you must have already been on edge for getting access to your childhood medical files. You've had a lot going on. It makes sense it would pour over at some point."

"I just... sometimes I hate how differently I apparently work from everyone else. My damn skin doesn't work, I don't experience attraction right, and now my brain is wrong too."

"Hey, just because you're neurodivergent doesn't mean it's wrong. Just different. I mean... I'm not sure if it was me or original Audrey, but I looked a bit into self diagnosis at one point." 

Nathan finally looks at Audrey again "You think you might be autistic?" 

"Sometimes. And it's hard to get diagnosed as a woman, so self diagnoses was the way I went. And if you are also aromantic, then you are and we'll deal with it. It's our relationship, we'll make it ours, do what works for us." 

Nathan leans over to hold her hand, "Thank you. Sorry I'm so terrible about all this." 

"Hey, I've met the Chief. You are remarkable emotionally open, given all that." 

Nathan laughs. He squeezes her hand before letting go and finishing his dinner. "I'm not gonna do anything with, well, any of this, today. I'll think about all this tomorrow, once I'm more rested." 

"That sounds like a good plan." 

After dinner, they delve into Nathan's DVD collection and end up watching Nathan's favorite Bill Murray movie, Caddyshack. Audrey doesn't quite get the appeal but she loves hearing Nathan laugh. Afterwards, they go to sleep early, although they end up still talking before they both fall asleep.

"Thank you for being there for me through everything," Nathan tells her, kissing her temple, voice sleepy and tired. 

"I'm just returning the favor. I love you." 

"I love you."


	5. To Dwight (“Maybe it’s a pun? Ever thought about that?”) (5x9-5x10 AUish)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan stumbles on that common closet problem of 'accidentally coming out through a pun'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Pete Palak's Trouble's triggering was connected to Charlotte's arrival and Charlotte arrived because of Mara, but let's pretend for the sake of puns that something else triggered it.
> 
> Also, I got the tittle from a prompt list I wanted to do and I finally figured out how.  
> Most likely final-final chapter for this fic.
> 
> Fic Art https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/post/177034284498/the-5-coming-outs-of-nathan-wuornos-chapter-5

The Ping is in a state of disarray. More and more people are catching this weird contagion that seems to only affect Troubled people (although untriggered ones only) and neither Nathan nor Dwight is really sure what is the best way to deal with this. Charlotte Cross from the CDC is also bringing her own type of troubles, so they both have their hands full. Maybe that is what made Nathan slip like this.

"These pandemics are just horrible. Luckily usually I'm the only one around." 

"What?" Dwight was still eyeing the list of Troubled patients and looks up, confused 

'Damn', Nathan thinks. "What?" he decides to play dumb. Haven is in danger, this is not the time to come out to Dwight. He was undecided on that topic anyway. 

"Did you say something? About a pandemic. 

"Nothing. Maybe it's a pun? Ever think about that?" Nathan's not sure why he went to the pun defense but he needs to get himself out of this situation quickly. 

"Pun on what?" Dwight asks confused but Nathan has already figured out how to change the topic, "I'll talk with Pete some more, maybe he's figured something out." 

"Right," Dwight nods but his tone is still suspicious. 

Nathan knew his love of puns would eventually get him into this situation. 

*** 

After the contagion and Kirk’s oxygen sucking Trouble have somehow taken care of themselves (they can’t find Pete anywhere, though) and Gloria has driven Nathan out from the hospital so she can run some tests on Audrey in peace, Dwight takes Nathan out for a drink at The Gull. 

Nathan is clearly wrecked with worry about Audrey and he needs something else to think about. Dwight has just the thing as they wait for their drinks and Nathan’s knee won’t stop bouncing and his eyes won’t his phone. 

”What was that pun about?” 

”What?” Nathan looks utterly confused. 

” You being ‘pandemic’,” Dwight even does air quotes around the word and as Nora puts down their beers, a look of comprehension dawns on Nathan’s face. 

”Right.” Nathan takes a gulp of his beer, trying to think of how to handle this. 

He knows Laverne hasn’t said anything to anyone about his orientation. Audrey hasn’t either. Duke likes making ace jokes at him sometimes but those are so subtextual no one reads into them. He and Dwight are friends. There’s no reason for him to *not* tell him. He already kinda did. (He’s gonna leave the nebula-ness out of it, though) He takes a deep breath. 

”It was pun about my orientation. Panromantic demisexual. You know, pan-demi, pandemic.” 

Nathan looks really unsure when he looks at Dwight and Dwight is… confused. 

”I confess, I’m not sure what any of that means.” 

Nathan lets out a laugh and gives him a half smile as he rubs at the back of his neck, “It’s kinda complicated and I don’t feel like giving a lecture, but I’m attracted to all genders, except it’s actually mostly just Audrey.” 

Dwight’s face is neutral, like he’s thinking it over. “ ‘Just Audrey’ pretty much sums you up. There’s a label for that?” 

”Yeah.” 

”Well, I’m happy you felt OK telling me.” Dwight pauses before he figures out whether he can temper his curiousity. He can’t. “Did Garland know?” 

Nathan drinks some more beer before replying, “I came out to him as bi years ago, before I figured out my real labels. He never asked me about dating afterwards. That was complicated enough for him to barely accept. Just another way I let him down on the normality scale.” 

Dwight looks at Nathan for moments silently, thinking of his outsiders view of the Wuornos family, how differently they saw each other. Garland was a decent ‘Troubled parent’ for Dwight when his own father wouldn’t even admit to being Troubled even if it almost cost Dwight his life, (Garland had no reason to hide his Trouble from his Cleaner) but clearly being Garland’s actual son was worse. 

”Garland was proud of you. Frustrated, but proud. He probably accepted that part of you too.” 

”Would’ve been nice to know when he was alive.” 

Their conversation gets interrupted when Nathan gets a text message from Gloria. He has been de-exiled. Nathan quickly finishes his beer, which wasn’t very smart but Dwight hadn’t even started his own so he gives Nathan a ride back to the hospital. 

As Nathan steps out of Dwight’s car, he turns back, “Thanks. For today. It was nice,” and then he’s gone. 

Dwight smiles. They should make a habit of these talks, he thinks to himself and drives away.


	6. Gloria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x2 Speak No Evil
> 
> Nathan: Gloria?  
> Gloria: Yeah, put the shotgun away, little Joe, and get me out of here, please.  
> Nathan: Gloria. Why are you hiding?  
> Gloria: Because your gal pal came creeping in with intern's pass, and it didn't seem kosher. Now, where's intern?  
> Nathan: Vickie's fine. Where's M- Audrey?  
> Gloria: Well, ugh, "Audrey" heard you coming on her radio, and when she saw you pulling up with that cannon, she peaced out. I bet you she'll be back, though, because I got what she was looking for. I always wondered about these little buggers. Ah-- You want to tell me what's going on with Detective Parker?

Sometimes Nathan is so confused about who knows what about Audrey. And now that Mara has taken over her, who to tell and what is even more complicated. But he can trust Gloria. His Dad did. 

“Alright. I’ll tell you.” 

“Wait, are you bleeding through your shirt?” 

Nathan looks down. Gloria probably has a sixth sense about these things, because his jacket is dark and you can’t see the blood yet, although he can tell he’s started bleeding again. “Not yet.” 

”God, you’re too much Garland’s son sometimes. Show Auntie Gloria where it hurts,” Gloria indicates that he should take off his jacket and as much as he hates to admit it, Gloria does make him feel a bit like a kid again. The sense of humor reminds him of the Chief. 

Nathan takes off his jacket and unbuttons his shirt so Gloria can see where the damage is. Nathan manages to do it without much hassle, so his assessment about his condition must have been correct. The bullet missed anything important. Gloria still winces at the sight. 

”What happened?” 

Nathan takes a moment to think about it, before sighing, ”Mara.” 

Gloria doesn’t say anything, just cleans up his wound and patches it up as Nathan tells her what has been going on in Haven for the past few years. Whatever Gloria already knew, she doesn’t mention it, just lets Nathan tell everything in his own pace. Everything Audrey has done for Haven, how he screwed up the sacrifice, how they've been trying to find another. About William and why Mara is back. He also tells her their love story.

"We fell in love. Over and over again. The Colorado Kid, James Cogan, he's mine. And Sarah's. Lexie was complicated, but I love her too. I love all of her."

"But you don't love Mara, right?" 

Nathan thinks about what Mara has already done, everything she's said. His "No," comes out rough. 

He hasn't really had the time to think about how his sexuality affects all this, especially with Mara, with who there's no trust, no positive connection, just an evil being with the face of the woman he always loves. He almost thinks out loud, "Maybe it would be different, or harder, if I wasn't demi." 

"A what?" Gloria's voice is curious but not harsh. 

It's the first time the word has left his lips without him meaning to. But somehow it feels... nice. 

He decides to explain,, "A demisexual. Almost asexual except... with a specific person you're... not." It's a weird and halting coming out but the words are out. He's not good at spontanious things. 

Gloria smiles at him, "Garland always thought there was something about you." 

Nathan groans but smiles a little, "Oh, god. I thought I was bi in college and came out to him, it was terrible."

"He still loved you though. I bet he'd be happy you found someone, and something that fits." 

Coming from Gloria, Nathan can really believe it. Almost at least. "Maybe..."

Science falls between them and Gloria puts finishing touches on his gunshot wound as she gets the topic back on track.

_"So, about this Mara/Audrey business? That means that that brunette FBI agent who said she was Audrey Parker, she's the real, original Audrey Parker?"_

_"Eh. Probably."_ It's been a while since Nathan's thought of her. He wonders if she got her memories back, or still lived happily with Brad. 

_"And this Mara woman or whatever she is, she's been, what? Like, wearing our Audrey as kind of like a disguise all this time?"_

_"Yeah."_ Framing it like that hurts, even if it's probably accurate to an extend. 

_"You know, I met a guy on Match. He said he was a He was a 5'3" mitten salesman. Anyway, I'm sorry, Nathan."_

Gloria's cheering up efforts are appreciated though ill adviced. The situations are so different. Even after everything, Nathan can't help how he feels. The only thing he finds it in himself to say is,

_"Audrey was so real to me."_

_"She was real to me, too. But Mara is realer."_

Nathan hates to agree but maybe he has to. There's a part of him that doesn't want to give up on Audrey, but he's not quite sure whether that's doing any good for anyone. Maybe he should just let Mara leave. End everyone's misery. He takes the Aether and goes to confront Mara. He still needs to fix things.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Let's Talk About Sex (The 5 Coming Outs of Nathan Wuornos sequel)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15284892) by [Nocticola](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola)




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